Paris Par Arrondissement

If you have planned this well you will have no need of maps but, just in case, be sure to have your copy of Paris par Arrondissement (EDITIONS L’INDISPENSABLE) in your pocket.[2] Trust the creaking floor and the faulty door catch and take the lift from the 5ème étage to its final stop. You are on your own from here so follow the staircase down on the right so as to miss the worst of the holes in the carpet. Cross the lobby avoiding contact with the concierge who, ever suspicious of moonlighters, will ask you where you are going if she catches your eye. It is best not to leave too early, and on no account tell her what you are about to do.[3] Turn right out of the door onto the street and turn left into RUE RODIER and at the very end turn left along the RUE DE MAUBEUGE until it meets the RUE DE CHATEAUDUN.[4] Wait for a moment to work out the next move. Do not be hurried by the impatient man with the walking stick at your elbow: then, in a left-hand dog-leg cross to R DU de F^G MONTMARTRE and follow this until it meets Boul^d HAUSSMANN MONTMARTRE slightly after it becomes B^D POISSONNIERE. This is the road that separates the 9^e from the 2^e. At this junction make a very difficult move to the right. (If you wish to maximize your stay in the 9^e do not cross the road until you can take the RUE DE RICHELIEU cleanly at 90 degrees).

the difficult turn at Rue de Richelieu

Follow this across the R. DU 4 SEPTEMBRE until it meets R. D. PETITS CHAMPS into the 1^er.[5]  This way you cross the 2^e and postpone the confusion in the gutter. To add variety after so many straight lines, turn sharp left into the R. Beaujolais and right at the end at P^l Pavillons so as to follow the R. de Valois along its length until it meets the RUE DE RIVOLI. A left and a right at R. Am^l. d. Col will take you to the river and you will have avoided the uneventful passage through the Louvre.

the uneventful passage through the Louvre

Fight upstream by turning left along Q. MEGISSERIE, cross Pl. du Châtelet to Q. DE GESVRES into the 4^e and Q DE L’HOTEL DE VILLE. Turn right and cross the river by way of Pont Louis Philippe and R.J. du Bellay. (On the corner of QUAI D’ORLEANS at the foot of P^t. S^t. Louis there is a café and the chocolate is very good – but do not stay too long). Cross the river by way of P^t. S^t. Louis and enter the 5^e by using Qu. l’Archeveché and Pont l’Archev^e quickly dogleg left to take R. des Bernardins until it meets RUE MONGE where things settle down a bit. Follow this away from the river, past Card^al Lemoine to Monge. A quick left immediately after the station into R Malus and right into R. de la Clef will take you directly into Sq. Scipion. Escape from this with a right-hand dogleg into Scipion. As soon as you reach the corner you can take a deep breath and a leisurely right into BOUL^D. S^t. MARCEL which very soon becomes BOUL^D. DE PORT ROYAL allowing you to leave it behind you without changing direction. By crossing over and walking on the left-hand side of the road you can take a brief excursion in the 13^e without troubling to see it. Purpose and a determined gait will, if you stay on the left, take you for an even briefer excursion into the 14^e where, at the unavoidable collision between DENEROCHEREAU and AV. D.L’ OBSERVATOIRE, a half right almost due north and a rapid right will take you into Rue d’Assas.

the unavoidable collision

Rue d’Assas becomes R. D’ASSAS as it diagonally bisects the 6e until it comes to an abrupt halt where RUE DU CHERCHE MIDI meets it at Pl Alp Deville and you can leave the confusion behind you.

an abrupt halt

A carefree right into RUE DU CHERCHE MIDI and a left at Car.d. l. Cr^x. Rouge will present SEVRES BABYLONE ahead of you where an immediate right will take you into the 7^e. Avoiding the barrows and hotel shills follow RUE DE BABYLONE to Pl. A. Tardieu and straight across BOUL^D. DES INVALIDES into Rue d’Estrée (which you will see slightly to your left) into Pl. de Fontenoy where a straightforward left turn will lead you directly into the AV. DE LOWENDAL. The gutter is cleaner for these complex manoeuvres, but it is still slippery (and a difficult move) so tread carefully to make sure you take a the proper right at the corner with AV. DE SUFFREN which (keeping to the left) will take you along the edge of the 15^e and back to the river where you should turn down stream away from the tourist busses at QUAI BRANLY to the foot of P^t de Bir-Hakeim.

the gutter is cleaner here

Facing up to the crossing, P^t de Bir-Hakeim will reward you by taking you directly into R. d l’Alboni where a right at Pl de Costa Rica into Rue Franklin will lead you past the jewel of the 16^e: Jardins du Trocadéro. This is divided by two unruly roads, so it is best ignored. Amid the confusion at the Pl. du Trocadéro make a courageous left fork up AV. R^d. POINCARÉ to the Place Victor Hugo. A little way further on will take you to AV. FOCH where R. Duret will be tempting you to cross to the right. Do not resist but embrace its allure with excess for it will take you to the heroic AV. DE LA GR^DE. ARMEE where a positive right will lead you on away from La Défense. The traffic here can be heavy so an abrupt left into R An. de la Force and left into AV. CARNOT will give some respite. It will become more peaceful as you turn right into RUE DES ACACIAS which will take you to AVENUE DES TERNES. By turning right into this and following it through RUE DU F^G. S^T. HONORE you will have avoided much military excess and the avarice of Place D Ch. d. Gaulle as you have included the 17e in your excursion.

the avarice of Place D Ch. d. Gaulle

You are now in the 8^e.  Speed here will be your undoing so be patient and turning gently left into RUE DE MONCEAU you will find that you have effortlessly achieved B^D. DES BATIGNOLLES. Keep on the right-hand side of the road up to the Pl. de Clichy. At this point it is necessary to concentrate because extreme precision is required for the next part of the journey otherwise a careless error could mean that you will have wasted your time. Follow B^D. DE Clichy keeping to the left-hand side no matter what distractions there may be to cross. Continue bearing left until it becomes B^D. DE ROCHEOUART and then transforms into B^D. LA CHAPELLE. This will ensure a visit to the 18e.

‘… no matter what distractions there may be to cross.’

Do not be tempted into RUE D’AUBERVILLIERS but find Boul. DE LA VILLETTE which will introduce you to the 19^e – but only if you cross the road and walk on the left. After a short while you will see STALINGRAD metro station which is at the foot of St. Martin. What follows is not entirely clear, but the edge markings will help considerably as you find your way to JEAN JAURES at Pl. de Stalingrad just after crossing BASSIN DE LA VILLETTE.[6]

‘… edge markings will help considerably …’

Things become simpler as long as you hold your line and remain on the left-hand side of this road until, with some relief, you find yourself in front of BELLEVILLE. Do not anticipate this but wait until it is on your immediate left before drifting across the B^D. DE BELLEVILLE to visit the 20^e, and then, in a brisk walk, follow it into B^D. DE MENILMONTANT which will take you past the gates of Cimetière de l’Est dit du Père Lachaise.[7] As you continue into BOUL^D. DE CHARONNE on no account be tempted by the sight of Place de la Nation. If your curiosity cannot be contained at this late stage of the walk your efforts will end in disappointment.[8] At the foot of this Boulevard, with more determination than Lot’s wife, you should avoid eye contact and turn your face towards AV. DU TRONE and immediately turn left into B^D. D. PICPUS along which route you can regain your composure as you follow it for its whole length to the junction with B^D. DE REUILLY (where you must turn right).[9] At the Place F. Eboué join the AVENUE DAUMESNIL – a railway infested road which crosses the gutter and divides the 12^e. This route enables a slightly counter intuitive half right into the AV. LEDRU-ROLLIN which, once it takes you over RUE DU FAUBOURG, will allow you to make contact the 11^e. A left out of Place Léon-Blum into BOUL^D. VOLTAIRE will offer time for an uninterrupted reflection on the best of all possible walks as it leads to the limit of this arrondissement where it becomes the 3^e. By following RUE MESLAY, which runs parallel to BOUL^D. S^T. MARTIN, you can secure your presence there until it meets R. S^t. MARTIN which you must cross into R. S^te. Apolline. It has been a demanding journey and you may be tired but great precision is required here to avoid revisiting the 2^e. Keep turning right into BOUL^D. DE SEBASTOPOL. Do not cross the road but wait until it becomes B^D. DE STRASBOURG at which point (possibly with some regret) you must leave the 3^e behind you taking a quick left into R.de Metz and a right into RUE DU FAUB^G. SAINT DENIS.

You are coming to the end of your excursion and the light may be failing, but if you have done everything right and there is time to wind down with a little levity, then you might take a sentimental diversion.

and there is time

In which case, the sixth turning on the right off RUE DU FAUB^G. is the P. du Désir, take this and a left into B^D. DE STRASBOURG followed by a left into R. Jarry[10] and dogleg into R. DE PARADIS which avoids any contact with the evening squalor of the railway stations and will also lead you nicely out of the 10^e and back into the 9^e at R. Bleu.[11] 

Café and bordello

By the metro station Cadet and on the opposite side of LA FAYETTE there is a small café where you can be assured of a suspicious welcome and a faultless indifference. Whatever the weather the door is always open onto the street. If you do take a rest to shake off the evening chill, do not be disturbed by the rabbi who periodically enjoys the affordance of the open door and leaves his coffee on the zinc bar to stand outside and look up at the window of a bordello. He is always there. When you are refreshed climb the RUE CADET, avoiding the eyes of the two militiaman standing in the doorway of an hotel, (their trigger fingers are itchy).[12] Bear left as hard as possible at the first opportunity, past two dirty cafes and there, on the corner, is your hotel – just where you left it.

Your work is done. Obtain your key from the concierge who will look up and somehow not see you while adding faint numbers to invisible columns in the ledger. Mount the steps to the first floor and take your chances with the creaking lift. Watch the cables through the fin de siècle wirework. They are caked in grease and decades of breadcrumbs (hastily swept out of rooms into the lift shaft) which gives them the stringy cadaveric appearance that always tests the nerves. As they drop with sinister indolence into the expanding emptiness below you, have faith in your copy of Paris par Arrondissement (EDITIONS L’INDISPENSABLE) to guide you in any onward travel.

Michael Punt
December 2022

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